As with many difficult topics, when it comes to weight-related discussions, it’s not just what you say but HOW you say it that matters. Starting the conversation about weight is never easy. Whether you’re an individual affected by weight yourself, or you’re someone who’s concerned for your loved one’s health, it can be nerve-racking. Additionally, what many people forget is, that enmeshed with weight is the idea of self-worth—so telling a loved one he or she is "too fat" or "too thin" can be damaging, particularly if the message is conveyed in the wrong way.

Bottom line: Approaching the topic of weight at the wrong time or using the wrong choice of words can leave a loved one with little to no self-worth, not forgetting the long-term damaging effects that result from the wrong choice of words.

If you wish to talk to your friend or family member about it, taking a mindful approach can help you get your message across, without hurting their feelings. So where do you begin? Here are 4 ways you can get started

1. Do work on your timing for such conversations

I cannot stress this enough, timing is crucial. I would most certainly not discuss one’s weight around others, as this will likely be humiliating. More importantly, I would avoid any conversation about weight if you or your loved one are in an emotionally vulnerable state, such as during a heated argument. If a person is going through a rough time, or some setback, that may not be the right moment to address a weight problem

2. Do ask for permission

If you’re concerned about the effect your loved one's weight may be having on their life overall - start by asking them for permission to discuss it. Asking for their permission can go a long way in showing that you’re mindful of their feelings. If they don’t want to talk about it, respect their decision and let them know you are available if they change their mind. You might say, ‘I’m here for you if or when you would like some support.’

However, if they give you the go-ahead to discuss it, you may share helpful information. “If they have a weight-related problem like knee pain, you can use it as an opportunity to start the conversation, for example, you can say, ‘Did you know that if you lose 2.5 kgs that is like 10 kgs off your knees and ankles?’”

Did you know? Research conducted in 2018 established that people who participated in a 15-week online weight loss program with a buddy lost more weight than those who did the program alone.

3. Don't Say, 'You need to go to the gym'

Avoid accusatory words like “you need to” or “you should,”. Such words can come off as critical and may make your loved one feel judged. For instance, in a scenario where a loved one is obese, offering simplistic advice like “why don’t you eat less and exercise more” is also just plain unhelpful. It sends the message that weight management is easy when it is more complex than many realize. Assume the person with extra weight has tried many diets before, and treat them as the expert in their bodies. If they are ready to make a change, you might ask, ‘What have you already tried? What worked best for you?’”

Bottom line: Making shaming comments to a person struggling with weight is not an effective way to get them to do something. Lasting change will never occur from being pressured or guilted into change by others.

4. Don’t ask “You’re gonna eat that?”

Before being critical, realize that picking on your loved one isn’t likely to produce positive changes. Do not ‘food police’ or make critical comments about what the person is eating, even if they have expressed that they are trying to lose weight. Food policing usually triggers guilt and shame, which in turn can lead to poor mental health. According to a study done in 2016, it was established that making negative comments to a loved one regarding their weight can be harmful. The study found that women who remembered their loved ones making negative comments about their weight had greater dissatisfaction with their weight.

Bottom line: Weight is a really sensitive topic and words are everything when discussing it with loved ones. Most attempts from others tend to elicit intense feelings of shame, humiliation, and a severe blow to self-confidence, which likely promote more avoidance of the discussion or in some cases, a weight recurrence.

Overall

Talking to a loved one about weight-related matters can be extremely triggering for that individual. As a result, timing and empathy are two key factors when attempting to have such a conversation. Remember, this person loves you and they value what you think of them or how you view them. Weight is a very sensitive topic, however, always remember you can still talk to a loved one about it, without bulldozing through their self-worth.

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